I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Quote by Greg Behrendt:
Quotes by other comedians
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.
I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.
If I'm a game show host, will someone buy a ticket to see me do standup? To do a dramatic role in a movie?