It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.
Quote by Greg Behrendt:
Quotes by other comedians
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
No parent must ever say, "Get the kids out of here, I'm trying to watch TV." The father who does start saying this is likely to see one of his children on the 6:00 news.
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!