Quote by Greg Fitzsimmons:

Years after he was castrated in a horrible industrial accident, she continued having kids, just out of habit - black kids, white kids, Chinese kids. We don't know how she did it - we know how she did it, we just don't like to talk about it.

Comedian
Short bio
Gregory Sebastian "Greg" Fitzsimmons is an American stand-up comedian, writer, producer and radio host. He hosted The Greg Fitzsimmons Show on Howard 101 until December 2018.

All quotes by Greg Fitzsimmons

Quotes by other comedians

Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.

The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that "Oh, I don't get involved in politics", as if that makes you somehow cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.