Quote by Greg Giraldo:

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

Short bio
Gregory C. Giraldo was an American stand-up comedian, television personality, and lawyer. He is remembered for his appearances on Comedy Central's televised roast specials, and for his work on that network's television shows Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Lewis Black's Root of All Evil, and the programming block Stand-Up Nation, the last of which he hosted.

All quotes by Greg Giraldo

Quotes by other comedians

No, I did not really punch the woman in the Honeymooners bit. We had a makeup artist punch her.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.