Quote by Iliza Shlesinger:

The weekend represents the 48 hours that you have to fuck up the life you worked so hard for all week.

Comedian
Short bio
Iliza Vie Shlesinger is an American comedian. She was the 2008 winner of NBC's Last Comic Standing and went on to host the syndicated dating show Excused and the TBS comedy/game show Separation Anxiety. In 2017, she briefly hosted her own late-night talk show called Truth & Iliza on Freeform.

All quotes by Iliza Shlesinger

Quotes by other comedians

The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you’re like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked.

They don't want an educated populace capable of critical thought, sitting around the kitchen table realizing how badly they're getting fucked!

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.