Quote by JB Smoove:

I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, and the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. We felt the plane dropping; the pilot was taking it down to regain cabin pressure. My heart was in my stomach. I found out after landing that her mom was in labor. I did the show and came back to New York. By the time I walked into the hospital, my daughter was being born. She was waiting for me. She’s a sweet daddy’s girl. She’s premed. She has her own pie company. She works for Habitat for Humanity.

Comedian
Short bio
Jerry Angelo Brooks, is an American actor, writer, comedian and voice actor. He performs stand-up under the name J. B. Smoove. He started his career off with the television series Def Comedy Jam in 1995. He plays Leon on the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm.

All quotes by J. B. Smoove

Quotes by other comedians

You might be a redneck if none of your shirts cover your stomach.

Don't learn from other people's mistakes. That's the worst advice you could ever get. Other people are fucking morons. Wrestling's the number one show on cable television. You're gonna learn from their mistakes? They're fucking tools! You might be the first guy who could to do it right and be a hero for all of us. Take a chance and learn to fly there, Orville Wright!

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front of a number of audiences and it works, you put it down on paper.

Do you think that during the Dust Bowl in the 1930's in the Midwest people thought "Wow, this must be global warming" or did they just think "Fuck, it hasn't rained in a while."