Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
Quote by Bill Maher:
Quotes by other comedians
I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like "Ladies and Gentlemen". That'll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!" Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please!"
This is football we're talking about here, which you call bananas and you're reluctant to play it. But you play baseball, the World Series. You've won every year, America's won every year in that. Well done America.
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.