Quote by George Carlin:

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

Short bio
George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic. He was known for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects.

All quotes by George Carlin

Quotes by other comedians

The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, once two of the most powerful men in this country, are now suffering from Balzheimer's disease. Why didn't I see it before? Balzheimer's is a terrible illness that attacks the memory and gives its victims the balls to attack others for things they themselves made a career of. There is no known cure.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.