The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.
Quote by Richard Pryor:
Quotes by other comedians
I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.
Radio DJ's are the same two motherfucking asshole clowns all over the country. I hate radio interviews. 'You didn't know it David, but you're just in time for the Friday Morning Fart Song!' No, sorry, I'm not doing that. Even if it's only fifteen minutes, it's the worst fifteen minutes of your life. I don't care if you've been in a fucking shark attack. If I was in a shark attack, and then they had no anesthetic and they had to heal it up, sew it up, I would be like, 'This sucks,' but then if two DJ's came in and interviewed me I'd fucking shoot myself.
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.