Quote by Andrew Dice Clay:

Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with a buck and a quarter, Jill came down with $2.50.

Comedian
Short bio
Andrew Dice Clay is an American stand-up comedian, actor, musician, and producer. He rose to prominence in the late 1980s with a brash, macho, offensive persona known as "The Diceman". In 1990, he became the first stand-up comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden for two consecutive nights.

All quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

Popular quotes by other comedians

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something. There's that story about how Eric Clapton saw Jimi Hendrix play, and he supposedly went home and cried because he could never be that good. I would never do anything that fruity, but I can relate to that. I wish I was as great as other guys, and that sucks. So I get the blues, and I self-medicate.

God forbid I should have a simultaneous orgasm with anybody. My goal this year is to make love being naked.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

On 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' it takes almost a year to get 10 shows written. It always reminds me of my old yeshiva days, where you used to sit over a piece of Talmud and analyze everything that was going on.

I'm an amateur photographer. Never taken anything I'm proud of. Just children having sex.