Quote by Billy Connolly:

McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering... It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

Comedian
Short bio
Sir William Connolly, CBE is a Scottish stand-up comedian, musician, presenter, actor and artist. He is sometimes known, especially in his homeland, by the Scots nickname "The Big Yin".

All quotes by Billy Connolly

Quotes by other comedians

I'm screwed. My girlfriend just found my massive porno collection. DVDs, magazines and hard drives. All over at her sister's place.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.

I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.

God forbid I should have a simultaneous orgasm with anybody. My goal this year is to make love being naked.