I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.
Quote by Bob Newhart:
Quotes by other comedians
I like the mocha cappuccino orgasm myself.
When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.