I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fucking heroic.
Quote by George Carlin:
Quotes by other comedians
We are burning a telephone pole. I don't know where we got a telephone pole. I do know it's pretty high up there on the Drunk Theft Scale, though.
Credit-card debt and day trading-I feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather III, just when I think out, they pull me back in.
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist... who cares, the tits are out.
If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's "babydoll".