I said, 'How would you like to be in one place?' He said, 'What place?' I could have said, 'Des Moines.'
Quote by David Brenner:
Quotes by other comedians
Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.
A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.
Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.