Quote by David Cross:

Radio DJ's are the same two motherfucking asshole clowns all over the country. I hate radio interviews. 'You didn't know it David, but you're just in time for the Friday Morning Fart Song!' No, sorry, I'm not doing that. Even if it's only fifteen minutes, it's the worst fifteen minutes of your life. I don't care if you've been in a fucking shark attack. If I was in a shark attack, and then they had no anesthetic and they had to heal it up, sew it up, I would be like, 'This sucks,' but then if two DJ's came in and interviewed me I'd fucking shoot myself.

Comedian
Short bio
David Cross is an American stand-up comedian, actor, director, and writer, known primarily for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the sitcom Arrested Development.

All quotes by David Cross

Quotes by other comedians

'You look slinky,' I said to her at the top of the stairs.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't see.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you’re probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to lie around in places for too long.

Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, "I got more ribs - you got more broads?" Never got a dinner!