Quote by David Cross:

And the Pope is infallible. We're taught that. Pope can't make a mistake. So I don't know why the Catholic church just doesn't take that motherfucker to Vegas. 'All right, put all the Catholic Church's money on 17 black.' '32 red, I'm sorry.' 'No, I don't think you heard, he said 17 black! Thank you! Let's go to Bellagio!' That way they could pay off those debts they owe.

Comedian
Short bio
David Cross is an American stand-up comedian, actor, director, and writer, known primarily for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the sitcom Arrested Development.

All quotes by David Cross

Quotes by other comedians

The laughs are honestly bigger, ... They are the kind of unexpected belly laughs you get with your friends during conversation.

Dude i know what you mean with the jelly, tell this twat to get some fucking jelly.

There’s the members of the new partnership: Fuentes, Fuentes, Chico, and Dummo.

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

I took Duke to the vet ’cause he eats his own turds, and I asked the vet, “Isn’t that unusual?” and he says, “No, a lot of dogs do that. Just take some of this powder here, sprinkle it on his food and it’ll make him stop.” I said, “What’s it do?” He says, “It makes his turds taste bad.”
“I’m sorry, Doc, did you just say ‘it will make his turds taste bad’?” Let me tell you something, if you’ve stooped to eating turds, you’ve never uttered the phrase, “Oh my God! This is nasty!”