Ted Kennedy, a good senator but a bad date you know what I mean? "What'd I forget? Goddamit the fuckin' girl! Jesus Christ where are my pants?"
Quote by Denis Leary:
Quotes by other comedians
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?" "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"
All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to inspire people when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.
I was 12 years old when I had my first job, delivering packages.