Another thing when I'm president? If you're in the army, the navy, any branch of the armed forces... you can fuck whoever you want!
Quote by Denis Leary:
Quotes by other comedians
I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.
You realize what level of misery you have to be experiencing to see my 10-speed tied to a pole and then just be like, 'Look at this rich bastard right here!'
Remember the good old days when "smuggling an underwear bomb" meant walking around with shit in your pants?
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.