When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
Quote by Dick Gregory:
Quotes by other comedians
You’re born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that’s a law, if you get old you die, that’s a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you’re born with.
Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.