My whole family, all they talk about is food and disease. And they're competitive with illness: "I have a cold." "I wish I had a cold! I don't even have sinuses anymore."
Quote by Dom Irrera:
Quotes by other comedians
I don’t watch you when you sleep. Surprisingly I don’t use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep.
You can't talk about fucking in America, people say you're dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that's cool.
Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.