Quote by Eddie Griffin:

Y'all can relax about that Osama bin Laden shit coz I'm a handle the shit myself. Coz I can't understand how they can't find the motherfucker, six foot six with a nappy beard and a towel on his head, while they can find my cousin four foot eleven in Compton. Nigga worth half a billion dollars, just look for the cave with the satellite hook up, if there's a Rolls Royce parked in front of the cave, nigga probably in there. You walk in and there's velvet paintings of Saddam Hussein, I think the nigga in there, I mean who do they got looking for this guy Colon Powell?

Comedian
Short bio
Edward Griffin is an American comedian and actor. He is best known for portraying Eddie Sherman on the sitcom Malcolm & Eddie, the title character in the 2002 comedy film Undercover Brother and Tiberius Jefferson "T.J." Hicks in Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

All quotes by Eddie Griffin

Quotes by other comedians

My friend and I were up to all sorts of shenanigans at school. But one time it ended up disrupting the whole class and we got in trouble. His parents told him he wasn't allowed to hang out with me any more. I had a friendship break-up in third grade. It was brutal.

Making people laugh is what I've been doing since I was like four or five years old. I still have a lust, I still have a passion. I don't care about how I look, I'm dedicated to the laughs.

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.