You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym!
Quote by Eddie Izzard:
Quotes by other comedians
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
My wife loves me for what I could've been.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
You look like the kind of woman who dates guys in prision.