Quote by Ellen DeGeneres:


Oh she tripped? No, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running, she did trip. You tripped!

Comedian
Short bio
Ellen Lee DeGeneres is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. She starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003.

All quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

Quotes by other comedians

I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were better than the white shows. The Jeffersons was a lot better. Good Times was way funnier. Sanford and Son. Now, though, everyone thinks we're equal, so we submit the same s... that everyone else submits. And then we get mad when they won't air it. You got to go back to the old attitude of it has to be twice as good.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini?" "Yes." "Rosary, get the bishop a martini!"

Let me tell you what really happened. Usually when I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. And One night I had some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, And I mixed them together. And I dipped my cookie and the shit blew up.