I have just learned that penguins are monogamous for life, which doesn't really surprise me all that much because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're going to meet a better looking penguin someday.
Quote by Ellen DeGeneres:
Popular quotes by other comedians
The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.
My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.
I just jot jokes down as I think of them, and then add them to the act the next time I’m on stage. Jokes are never really “done,” because each time you perform them you can add words or nuances that weren’t there before.
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?
By the way, great way to fight: arms down, face presented.