My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?
Quote by Flip Wilson:
Quotes by other comedians
You're thinking I'm homophobic; I hear it all the time. "Dave, you’re probably gay." "What?" "Well, you talk about being gay so you probably are gay! You probably secretly want to have sex with another man!" And I say, "Listen, Voice In My Head… I do not."” "How do you know you wouldn't like it? How do you know you wouldn't love it?" I know I wouldn't like it or love it, because one time… during a terrible gardening accident, I sat on a cucumber… 3 times.
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.