Quote by George Burns:

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Comedian
Short bio
George Burns was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century.

All quotes by George Burns

Quotes by other comedians

I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Every time a friend of mine has a kid I go over to the crib and say, "You know, I used to hold your father’s head while he threw up."

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

I never go perform somewhere alone. I've done that since day one. I've always taken other comics with me.