Quote by Henny Youngman:

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Comedian
Short bio
Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".

All quotes by Henny Youngman

Quotes by other comedians

So, do you live around here often?

I people-please everyone but myself.

Race baiters and discriminators may go underground, but they never move out of town.

You feel like such a dirty whore buying plan b. It is so embarrassing because it’s over the counter but you have to ask you pharmacist, and they know what you want but they make you ask. They’re lookin’ at me, I’m like, you see where my eyeliner is just give it to me.

I grew up in New York in a neighbourhood called Washington Heights. It's not really a ghetto, it's a ghetto suburb. Slums with trees. Even the birds are junkies. The birds don't know how to fly, they just fall out of trees and bother people. "Tweet, tweet sucker. Give me a quarter."