A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
Quote by Henny Youngman:
Quotes by other comedians
I'm coming back. And when I get back, then we'll be together forever - forever and ever and ever - until death. Even beyond - beyond death: two souls enmesh as one soul! One soul floating for all of eternity in the great abyss, the aftermath, that which remains unknown to all who dwell in the trappings of mortal flesh, until the final passing!' Anyway, that's what I left on her answering machine. She hasn't called back yet.
There's only three major elements. Air, land, which is your flesh and water, which is your blood. You're walking on a third of yourself. She's called Mother Earth. She gave birth to your ass. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your maggot food ass going right back to her!
I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?