Quote by Henny Youngman:

My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

Short bio
Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".

All quotes by Henny Youngman

Quotes by other comedians

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Superheroes. Because we needed something to make regular heroes feel shitty.

I already wish I could relive my future.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; "it would be different if it was your own child." Well what if it wasn't?