A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Quote by Henny Youngman:
Quotes by other comedians
Nobody ever wins an argument. Nobody ever goes, 'Oh, I'm wrong.' Somebody eventually just goes, 'Shut up. We gotta eat, so let's shut up for minute.'
I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
You're not going to find a Pygmie on Paxal, I'll tell you that.
Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look fucking great.
I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the "Death Star." I'm still working on it, it's not completely operational.