Quote by Henny Youngman:

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

Short bio
Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".

All quotes by Henny Youngman

Quotes by other comedians

Nobody ever wins an argument. Nobody ever goes, 'Oh, I'm wrong.' Somebody eventually just goes, 'Shut up. We gotta eat, so let's shut up for minute.'

I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

You're not going to find a Pygmie on Paxal, I'll tell you that.

Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look fucking great.

I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the "Death Star." I'm still working on it, it's not completely operational.