Quote by Jack Benny:

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Comedian
Short bio
Jack Benny, often called "Jackson" on his own show, was an American comedian, vaudevillian, radio, television and film actor, and violinist.

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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

You may not think I'm a sex symbol, but I became a father at the age of 48. Now young people think of me as a mini-folk hero because it's difficult for them to believe a man of my age is sexually active.

And then I realized I was being checked out by guys! And I know they were checking me out, because they were looking at me like I look at tacos. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I can turn on a man! Shoot!" And I called my girlfriend, and I said, "Baby, you better not mess this up; I have options!"

You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to pick up women.