I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.
Quote by Jack Benny:
Quotes by other comedians
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Once I was having lunch in a fancy restaurant with Lily Tomlin and Richard Pryor. We were all struggling comics together and the day we had lunch, any one of us could have picked up the check. That's when I knew I'd made it.
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.