No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.
Quote by Jack Benny:
Quotes by other comedians
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, "Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!"
When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.
The sun comes up and so does your dick. Cause at heart your dick's a farmer!