Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Quote by Jackie Mason:
Quotes by other comedians
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.
My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it’s like he’s spending his life saving money for rich people. So I think making strangers laugh, at least having a creative component to your profession, is more manageable for me. I can live with that a lot easier.
There was one woman who had a giant sign and on it, it just said, 'America Is Better Than Abortion.' I think she meant that America was too good a place for the horror of abortion. But instead, it sounded like she had weighed both - the American spirit and getting an abortion and decided that American spirit better. I think it is a bad idea to have grammatically ambiguous protest signs.