Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.
Quote by Janeane Garofalo:
Quotes by other comedians
She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Tip to out-of-town visitors: If you buy something here in New York and want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.
Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.