There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. "OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can’t stay here."
Quote by Janeane Garofalo:
Quotes by other comedians
I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.
When you're 18, you meet somebody, and 15 seconds later, you're like, 'I love you... I love you! Is that your roommate? She's hot.'
There have been two different drafts of the script. The hard part about following it up is at the end of the first one, he revealed his identity to his kids. How do you play that out? How does she come back? One of the ideas was that he'd go to New York because his daughter was going to college and he'd be nearby. But as a script, it never worked.
I pull up at the Christmas tree shop and I walk up and the guy says "hey you here to buy a tree?" "Nope, My son had to go to the bathroom and these trees looked mighty inviting." Here's your sign!
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.