Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.
Quote by Jay Leno:
Quotes by other comedians
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I bought a pedigree dog for 300$. My friend said, "Give me 300$ and I'll shit on your carpet."
You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.
I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job.
I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was "I should cut my bangs."