War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'
Quote by Jay Leno:
Quotes by other comedians
You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.