Quote by Jay Mohr:

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

Comedian
Short bio
Jon Ferguson "Jay" Mohr is an American actor, comedian and radio host. He is known for his role as Professor Rick Payne in the TV series Ghost Whisperer, the title role in the CBS sitcom Gary Unmarried, as a featured cast member on the sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live and the back-stabbing sports agent Bob Sugar in Jerry Maguire.

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To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

You ever notice the first thing someone says when they can't find something is that it was stolen? They say "who stole it?!". It's an ego defense. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something.

You know, a lot of people think that just cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will; but, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.