Quote by Jeff Foxworthy:

We don't do that here. We only take urine samples.

Comedian
Short bio
Jeffrey Marshall Foxworthy is an American stand-up comedian, actor, television personality, radio personality and author. He is a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also comprises Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, and Ron White.

All quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

Quotes by other comedians

Get off your ass and do something. All you need is the right inspiration. Anger has fueled me my entire life. It makes me feel good and... I'm okay with that. My fear is that my anger will one day make me so damned successful that I'll actually be happy. And then I'll just stop.

I think it’s appropriate to start off with a rape joke. It’s good to find out what kind of audience I’m dealing with.

But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!" "Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.”

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. "Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!"

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, youd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler - a mafia wife.