Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.
Quote by Jeff Foxworthy:
Quotes by other comedians
I think religion is bad and drugs are good.
Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?