Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.
Quote by Jeff Foxworthy:
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You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"
I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!