Every woman in this room tonight: Think like a second wife. You grab and you take. You grab and you take. And when you die, whatever you got out of him you have buried on you. If the next bitch wants it, make her dig for it.
Quote by Joan Rivers:
Quotes by other comedians
Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.