I hate Tom Cruise... In TV interviews Tom laughs inappropriately and much too vociferously at non-humorous declarative statements, which is ironic because in real life he can’t take a fucking joke at all. All you have to do is make one simple, little, harmless, innocuous aside like, 'The Scientology spaceship was late today; it had to stop by Fire Island to pick up Tom Cruise,' and he has a pack of lawyers at your door faster than Katie Holmes can say, 'No, really, he loves me in that way, I swear.'
Quote by Joan Rivers:
Quotes by other comedians
I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
What did you learn in school that you still use today? Go ahead teachers, tell me. What? Fear, conformity, don't question authority...
What exactly is "viewer discretion"? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real Italian food world. You ever been in a nice Italian restaurant? Hi how are you? Ummm id like to start with a nice bottle of Chanti and a couple of Caesar Salads and umm I'm going to have the Beef a'ronni. And some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the lady.