Quote by Johnny Carson:

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

Comedian
Short bio
John William Carson was an American television host, comedian, writer, and producer. He is best known as the host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Carson received six Emmy Awards, the Television Academy's 1980 Governor's Award, and a 1985 Peabody Award.

All quotes by Johnny Carson

Quotes by other comedians

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!

People believe that Hanukkah is celebrated for eight days, and that's a 'liar, liar, pants on fire' situation. Most Jewish families don't make it past the fourth day. It doesn't happen - 'Come on, aren't we going to light the lights?' 'Eh, no. Enough's enough.'

When did our elections become the Special Olympics? You're not all winners. Not everyone gets a hug. You guys got crushed.

My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.