Quote by Jon Stewart:

You know what they say: If at first you don't succeed, fuck it.

Comedian
Short bio
Jon Stewart is an American comedian, writer, producer, and television host. He hosted The Daily Show, a satirical news program on Comedy Central, from 1999 to 2015. Stewart started as a stand-up comedian but branched into television as host of Short Attention Span Theater for Comedy Central.

All quotes by Jon Stewart

Quotes by other comedians

I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.

Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!

They charged me 15 dollars. That's how much it costs to only have 20 dollars.

The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.