Quote by Jon Stewart:


My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.

Comedian
Short bio
Jon Stewart is an American comedian, writer, producer, and television host. He hosted The Daily Show, a satirical news program on Comedy Central, from 1999 to 2015. Stewart started as a stand-up comedian but branched into television as host of Short Attention Span Theater for Comedy Central.

All quotes by Jon Stewart

Quotes by other comedians

Nature knew what she was doing when she figured out the penis and the cunt.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we can swing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play for you. That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.