If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars.
Quote by Jon Stewart:
Quotes by other comedians
To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.
If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken, which gave me the courage.