Love the questions at the airport because they make you feel real intelligent. "Sir, do you know what's in your luggage?" "No. I tied a sock around my eyes and packed with my feet. I'm thinking hot dogs and gunpowder."
Quote by Kevin James:
Quotes by other comedians
Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!
I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
Political views divide faster than marriages.