Quote by Larry Miller:

I was asleep, in the upstairs bedroom, in the rear of the house. There was this tremendous crash, there was a terrible wind force hitting my body, and then I blanked out.

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid...

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.