Quote by Larry Miller:

I don't want a clean living guy in the White House with his finger on the button. He thinks he's going right to heaven. You want to feel safe with a leader. Give me a guy who fights in bars and cheats on his wife. This is a man who wants to put off Judgment Day as long as possible.


Quotes by other comedians

Did you know "execrable" means "lousy?"

I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.

Sometimes when I’m bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it "Lesbian or Midwestern?"

Resentments are a waste of time. One day I'll stop resenting myself.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.